Megan Fox showed up bare-fingered at the MTV Movie Awards earlier this month without fiancè Brian Austin Green on her arm. I smell trouble in paradise! According to Star Magazine

Megan hasn’t been photographed wearing the ring in months. An insider on the set of her movie says, “I’ve never seen her wearing an engagement ring. I actually thought she and [co-star] Adam Brody were dating. They were very flirty with each other and were always hanging out together when they weren’t working.”

This really doesn’t come as a surprise. I wouldn’t use Brian Austin Green’s penis to stamp out a brush fire, so there’s no reason it should be coming within smelling distance of Megan Fox’s nether regions. In fact, the only real use I can think of for Brian Austin Green’s dork is is maybe distracting scorpions away from unsuspecting babies or a carnival booth type-thing where you get to flick his penis for a dollar and all the proceeds go to a charity for children with cancer. I think the public could really get behind that. Unlike Megan Fox, who he’s probably never going to get behind again. Zing!

Outtakes from Japanese Rolling Stone:

Sienna Miller broke up with fiancé Rhys Ifans last weekend over her insatiable need for penis his jealousy issues. A source told The Sun:

“Things have been awkward for a while after she caught Rhys going through her text messages for ‘incriminating evidence’. He has been giving her a hard time lately, questioning her commitment to him. She compared him to a spotlight shining in her face all the time. She couldn’t… cope with his jealousy.

He is heartbroken they have split.”

Nothing could be as heartbreaking as that damn hairstyle of his. It’s like Rod Stewart and Quasimodo made a hair baby. Seriously, where do you even get that cut? Other than a bell tower in Notre Dame? I’m guessing you tell your stylist, “Think Jeff Daniels in ‘Dumb and Dumber.’ No, no — more disheveled! Try these pinking shears!” before just using a lighter to burn the ends off yourself.

Sienna as The Baroness on the set of G.I. Joe:

Pull out your push-ups, ladies — George Clooney is single again! People Magazine reports

George Clooney and his girlfriend Sarah Larson have split up after a year of dating. Though there was speculation that Clooney would end his longtime bachelorhood, in March the actor shot down rumors of an engagement.

Well, it’s like they say — “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Especially when there’s a whole dairy farm full of nubile young cows with big fake udders who’ll let you tag team with your best buddy anytime you want. That doesn’t fly in all fifty states, of course, but you’re cool if you stick with Arkansas and West Virginia. That’s why they call those states “The Velvet Underground,” if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.

Check out George’s new fake teeth after the jump

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Just two months after having rekindled their relationship, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have broken up. Insiders credit the split to Kate’s not being down with Owen having threesomes with Vince Vaughn, while Vince Vaughn credits the split to Kate being such a “ball and fucking chain, bro.” According to People Magazine

Wilson [had] been spotted letting loose… on May 11, [when he] dropped by N.Y.C.’s Upstairs with two women. The late-night outing was followed by a visit to Butter the next night, where he chatted up a sexy blonde.

Says a Hudson source: “She feels dumb thinking it was so serious.”

Well, nothing says “seriously repentant” like another suicide attempt. It worked before, right? This time he should go with a little more gusto, like deep throating a shotgun. Something that will leave a disfiguring scar, so that every time she opens her mouth to bitch about those harmless little orgies, she’ll be staring down a grotesque visual reminder of how much he really loves her. Sorta like Van Gogh, only with way less balls and Kolmogorovian turbulence.

Most beautiful in last month’s People:

According to Chicago gossip blog These Boots Are Made for Stalking, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has finally kicked Jessica Simpson to the curb. Star Magazine reports

“They’re broken up,” Tony’s pal told the blog. “He told us they broke up and that was that. We’re guys so we didn’t talk about it much.” Tony made the most of his boys’ weekend — spending hours at Uncle Fatty’s Rum Resort “drinking Grey Goose and Diet Cokes… surrounded by girls. He zeroed in on one blonde all night. That blonde wasn’t Jessica Simpson.”

The blog didn’t mention if he plans on using that throwing arm of his for anything more than moving faggy drinks toward his mouth and jerking off, but I’d say all signs still point to yes. So no worries, Cowboys fans! Everything’s still on track!

Minus Romo this weekend at a Mexican restaurant:

Amy Winehouse’s husband Blake “Hold My Pocket” Fielder-Civil has been kicking around the idea of a divorce, thanks in part to his mommy dearest. Female First says

Blake is under pressure from his mother to sever all ties with Amy. [Amy's dad] said in an interview: “Blake threatened to issue divorce proceedings when they were having a row. Unfortunately, Blake is influenced by things his mother has said. I think [his mother] wants them to divorce, but it’s up to them. From Amy’s point of view, she would stick by him not matter what. But he has said things like, ‘I want a divorce’.”

[His mother] recently said: “Amy’s husband is in jail and she’s cavorting with an old boyfriend [while vacationing in the Caribbean]. What’s she playing at?” A source added: “The Blake and Amy situation is imploding. Blake has been listening to his mother, and he’s been hot and cold with Amy when they do meet.

Blake Fielder-Civil’s career highlights include being a junkie dealer, throwing “wild self-mutilation parties” and guzzling prison hooch, so I can totally see why his mother thinks he’s too good for Amy. If he could just get the leeching off her paychecks out of his system, maybe he could find a nice boy to spend the rest of his life with. Like a white-collar criminal, for example. “Mr. 49 Felony Counts of Fraud and Forgery by an Insurance Professional” could be just around the corner at the next group shower or mandatory delousing. It’s not like romance goes around looking for you, you know. Sometimes you have to go out there in prison yard and find it yourself.

Amy en route to the premiere of “Sweeney Todd” in London: