There’s something different about Suri Cruise! Can you guess what it is? Hint: it’s not new batteries. Nine MSN says

The two-year-old, out and about with parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, sported a decidedly lighter mop in Manhattan yesterday. [Has she been subjected] to highlights at age two? [Or did] some fun in the sun [result] in her sun-kissed new locks?

Hair lightened by the sun gets lighter along the hairline and crown, not a uniform three-shades-lighter color all over. Not to mention that Suri hasn’t been photographed outside since her second birthday. You don’t go from “Swiper, No Swiping Mocha” to “L. Ron Hubbard Chai Latte” without the aid of ammonia and peroxide. Unless you upgraded your old Suri to the newer 270-degree swivel action model with character-dedicated accessories and multiple points of articulation. Then the new hair color makes total sense.

The brain-washing seems to have begun to wear off, because rumor has that Katie Holmes is planning her escape from husband Tom Cruise with a move to Manhattan for a role on Broadway. A source tells Star

“She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away. There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her. Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri. He has a lot of rules, and there’s conflict.”

Katie’s best bet is to turn all the soup cans in the pantry with the labels facing different directions and mess up the bath towels on the rack, then run like hell while he’s busy rearranging. I saw a movie once where that worked like a charm. Or something like that.

Head down, short hair:

Princess Di biographer Andrew Morton has another tell-all book about to hit the presses, and this one targets Hollywood-Heartthrob-Turned-Scientology-Overlord Tom Cruise. Morton makes several shocking allegations against the star, namely (via the NY Daily News)

Cruise, 45, is second-highest leader in his controversial Church of Scientology, and… 20-month-old [daughter] Suri may have secretly been fathered by late church founder L. Ron Hubbard. Fanatical Scientology insiders wonder if third wife Katie Holmes “had been impregnated with Hubbard’s frozen sperm. In her more reflective moments, Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie ‘Rosemary’s Baby,’ in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child.”

I imagine the time for “reflective moments” came when she found herself waking in a metal tube without her short term memory or her original hair. That’s a scary fucking couple of minutes, believe you me. Nobody’d cut my hair and I didn’t wake up in a metal tube, exactly, but there was this one time I came to beneath a willowy gray figure staring down with silver eyes and a mouth that spoke without moving. I couldn’t remember anything past four o’clock the day before and I had a distant feeling that I had once been wearing pants and not bleeding from the anus. Luckily, the alien turned out just to be a parking meter and I hadn’t been inseminated with anybody’s demon seed. I’d just taken a bunch of Klonopin and passed out near Broad and 4th. See, you can’t make babies in the butt! Science is almost always on my side.

Katie shopping with the devil child on her birthday: