Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, and since I can’t reach out there and punch you in the testicles, here’s the next best thing: old people sucking each other’s toes. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, 2008! The Daily Mail says

Docked in Sydney harbour on a hired yacht, Sting gently raised Trudie Styler’s left leg to his mouth - and sucked her toes. Their on-board exploits came as it emerged that the couple plan to throw a party at their estate in Wiltshire to renew their marriage vows after The Police’s world tour finishes.

I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “what could possibly be worse than staring at Sting fellating that old broad’s toes?” Why, staring at Nicolette Sheridan chowing down on Michael Bolton’s toes, of course!

That’s usually a face reserved for tearing the flesh from a turkey drumstick or chomping off another boxer’s ear, but old chicks must really dig nail fungus and athlete’s foot. Only Metamucil and “Murder, She Wrote” get their panties off quicker.