44 year-old Nicolette Sheridan was photographed leaving an L.A. coffee shop earlier this week bare-faced and make-up free. It’s definitely a different look for her. When asked for comment on her new au natural visage, she reportedly cackled, “Inkubus Sukkubus! May the Circle be open!” before turning several small children into newts and speeding away on her broom.
Former Baywatch babe Traci Bingham was photographed looking, um, less than glamorous while leaving a Hollywood Bristol Farms earlier this week. Now, being an East Coaster, I have no idea what a “Bristol Farms” is, but I’d say it’s safe to assume from the pictures that it entails hiding under a bridge and “answering me these questions three.” Of course, it could also be a rift in the time-space continuum that opens a portal into the Ugly Dimension, but I don’t plan on getting close enough to ever find out.
Amy Winehouse decided to add her own personal style to borrowed designer clothes–she returned them with puke! The Mirror reports,
[Amy Winehouse has] landed herself with a massive £25,000 bill after borrowing posh designer frocks – and returning them with her own unique calling card… splattered with vomit.
Even worse, when the Back To Black singer finally returned the puke-stained outfits, her little deposits had green, furry mould growing on them.
Unsurprisingly, 25-year-old Amy has now been blacklisted by furious fashion PRs and shouldn’t expect any loans or freebies for a while.
Our insider reveals: “Harvey Nichols loaned Amy £25k’s worth of silk and satin dresses.
“Unfortunately, while wearing one of the frocks, she went on an all-night bender.
“She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.”
Amy would have made a perfect Garbage Pail Kid. Remember those? They were trading cards that had the “grody” version of the Cabbage Patch Kids. There was Nasty Nick, Ray Decay, Adam Bomb, and oh yeah, Up Chuck. It’s like it was meant to be!
The Sun reports,
The reality star was asked the all-important question by shock-jock HOWARD STERN on his radio show.
She responded by saying “they’re real” before revealing her she got the “D-cup boobs gene” from her auntie.
What she’s not mentioning is that she literally got her boobs from her auntie. I refuse to believe that Brooke Hogan was created by natural human procreation. Ol’ Mom and Dad had her made in the basement out of spare parts, I’m thinking. Mom Linda didn’t really need to have a penis too since Hulk already had one (this was before the ‘roids shrunk it down to a Lil’ Smokie–hindsight is 20/20, they say) so they amputated that and it got bolted on Brooke, along with some extra muscle from some expired beef jerky they found in the pantry. The problem with that is that Dad has to rub lotion on her to keep the jerky somewhat supple and flexible. That’s the totally innocent and non-sexual reason for those pictures of him lubing up her ass. Don’t judge until you know the whole story.
The Hoganstein monster: It’s alive!
Pamela Anderson showed up at the Vivienne Westwood fashion show in London yesterday in a cut-to-there dress, proving once again that she’s still got it. “It” of course being “the scabrous complexion of a truck stop hooker with HIV.” Lot lizards everywhere must be so jealous!
Amy Winehouse has apparently been living in some fantasyland where drugs make you pretty and healthy. She just realized what any organism with half a funtioning eyeball knows–she’s hideous! Thank you, Captain Obvious! The Sun reports,
Amy Winehouse refused to go to her own birthday party after realising how drugs have ravaged her looks and ranting: “I look “f***ing ugly”.
The Grammy award-winning singer had a furious row with best pal REMI NICOLE as she desperately tried to convince her to attend her own 25th bash. A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked. Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in. She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out. Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row. Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”
First of all–she’s only 25??? I’m pretty sure she forged her birth certificate because DAY-UM. She looks like one of the residents at a nursing home, you know, the one who dyes her hair black and wears so much makeup you’d need a chisel and steel wool to exfoliate, who chain smokes and sings show tunes and smells like pee. Welcome to reality, Amy. It’s a snaggle-toothed bitch, ain’t it?
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