Remember that time when Britney Spears shaved her head and went all Raging Bull on a paparazzi’s van with an umbrella? Well, joke’s on us — suckers! For Britney was simply (doing my best Jon Lovitz) acting!

From a self-composed “statement” issued on Britney Spears’ website:

I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a roll [sic] in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my rolls [sic] very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part.

I don’t know what I love more about this — that she describes it as a stunt “regarding” an umbrella, like she’s writing a fucking cover letter; or that Britney Spears can’t even get a part in her own made-up movie. I wonder who did get the part? I bet it was that parakeet she recently purchased, who has since accidentally “stopped living.”

Note: At the time of this writing, Britney’s handlers — or whoever it is that cleans up this shit — has since fixed the spelling errors in her “statement.” I, on the other hand, have decided to leave them in place. You know, journalistic integrity and all that.

More photos of the Oscar worthy performance after the jump.