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Britney Spears Likes the Poonanny, Part Deux

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Shannon Funk (pictured above with Britney) became the latest former Spears employee to be served with a subpoena in Kevin Federline’s battle for custody. And just who is this “Shannon Funk,” you ask? Why, this classy dame right here. From The Sun:

A topless Britney Spears got down and dirty in a hotel pool with her former assistant Shannon Funk. The ladies cleared the hotel pool of other guests so they could enjoy kissing and fondling each other. The pair ended up in bed together after frolicking in the pool. A friend said: “Britney seemed more into this girl than she ever has been into a guy. Even though the hunks were hot, Britney made a beeline to cavort with Shannon. She seemed insatiable. Shannon’s been a great pal to Britney through very tough times. It was inevitable they’d end up close – but no one knew just how close.”

Three years ago, this would have been just the impetus for a midday jerk-off for teenage boys and overweight middle-aged men everywhere. Now, it just reminds me of this slice of cheesecake that I left out for a week that time we went to visit my sister in Ashtabula. When I came home and opened the plastic box, the cheesecake was covered in these greenish-black spots and the parts that didn’t have fur had sort of liquified. And the whole thing pretty much smelled like ass. But what you really want to know is — did I eat it? Yes. Yes, I did. But I ate around the mold and the green stuff and didn’t look at it while I swallowed. The point of this story being that you would still totally do it with Britney Spears. Don’t lie! You’d just hold your nose and not look at it while you ate it. Like the ancient Japanese proverb says, “rotten cheesecake is still better than no pussy.” Sayonara, suckas!