Hello, my lovelies. This is Sarah, and as Abby told you yesterday, she’ll be back on Monday. In the meantime, you’re stuck with me… and I’ve been sick most of this week, so it should be just like finding a basket of kittens on your doorstep. If the kittens had rabies.
So anyway, there’s been a bit of hoopla about whether Britney Spears will be stumbling around and wailing performing again at this year’s VMAs. If we can trust a damn thing Russell Brand says, it turns out that’s not true. According to US Weekly:
British comic Russell Brand won’t spill the beans on what exactly Britney Spears will do when she opens Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards.
But he’ll tell you this much: “She’s not serving canapés or doing a bizarre haircut on herself!” he said on Ryan Seacrest‘s KIIS-FM radio show Thursday.
“She’s not performing, but she’s certainly doing [the show] in a professional capacity,” said Brand, 33, who serves as host.
Okay, first of all, Russell Brand is only 33? The hell? Is that in dog years? This dude kinda makes Pete Doherty look fresh as a damn daisy. But I digress. It would seem Britney’s not “singing” this year, but will be rolled out like King Kong in a cage so everyone can marvel at the taming of the beast. I’m not really sure why this is supposed to be surprising.
Of course Britney’s gonna open the VMAs. She’s a walking spectacle, and MTV is a loyal suscriber to the philosophy that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Besides, lord knows MTV could use all the help it can get in appearing relevant. Their biggest stars are Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag! Compared to those two, Britney Spears is a national treasure. Even if she falls on her ass, starts crying and begs to blow Russell Brand onstage while he rips out her weave, it will still be the best thing to happen to that boring-ass awards show since the last time she fell apart for fun and profit.