Rumors that there was a sex tape starring Christie Brinkley’s ex-husband Peter Cook boning a then 18-year old Diana Bianchi were confirmed yesterday. Peter Cook and a sex tape! Boy, I didn’t see that one coming! Can you guys give me a minute to collect myself? I’m just gonna pace around with a hand over my mouth and shaking my head in disbelief. Page Six says

[The Peter Cook sex tape] does exist. We were shown a series of stills from a video depicting Cook and Bianchi, both nude, having sexual intercourse on a brown love seat. They also show Bianchi performing a striptease… as Cook holds his crotch.

I’d wager the only time Peter Cook isn’t holding his crotch is when he has to use his jerk-off hand to write up another confidentiality agreement. I swear, that guy makes L’il Wayne look like a fucking amateur.