In newly released testimony from her 2009 legal petition for a restraining order against mother Courtney Love, Frances Bean Cobain accused mommy dearest of killing the family dog and cat and dragging her along on drunken domestic altercations with various ex-boyfriends. I bet that makes Mother’s Day kinda awkward — don’t know that Hallmark makes a card for “The Mother Who Must Remian 500 Feet Away All Times.” The Daily Mail says:
Backed by evidence from her male nanny and others the judge granted [Frances'] request, as well as ordering the Hole singer stay away from her daughter’s pet dog Uncle Fester.
Frances said her mother’s chaotic behavior was the reason for the death of two family pets — her cat died after getting entangled in piles of boxes of paperwork, trash and other possessions, while a dog died allegedly after swallowing a pile of Love’s pills.
[Frances also claimed that] her mother dragged her to James Barber’s house when she was 17, and that she sat in a taxi while her mother had a volcanic confrontation with her then boyfriend, [saying], “She’s outside the house, in her bare feet, [screaming] at him… she threw rocks at the house, and threatened to burn his house down… his children were inside the house, but that did not stop my mother.”
And then for good measure, Frances adds:
“[My mother] has taken drugs for as long as I can remember. She basically exists now on Xanax, Adderall, Sonata and Abilify, sugar and cigarettes.
She rarely eats… She often falls asleep in her bed while she is smoking, and I am constantly worried that she will start a fire (which she has done at least three times) that will threaten our lives.”
And then there’s this little gem, from Courtney herself:
[Love] said: “The strange thing is, while the crack screwed me up in a lot of ways, it improved me in certain others.
I’ve never been good with numbers, but when I was on crack I could do math really, really well. I became a fucking whiz at calculus.”
Now it’s time for some Kate Upton in a bikini again, because I know the human brain can only take so much Courtney Love before it spontaneously shuts down. Reports indicate that “24 Hours of Courtney Love” was responsible for 95% of all temporary amnesia cases in the year 2002 alone. I’m pretty sure the other five percent have something to do with soap opera villains.