Dear. God. Why. The Daily Mail says:

In an nod to famous Japanese brand Hello Kitty, she introduces herself, saying: ‘Miaow. I’m Hello Courtney.’

She then jumps off the bed and crawls on all fours before eating and drinking from bowls on the floor and licking her ‘paws’ clean afterwards.

The camera then pans to her having a nap in a wall alcove, where she grimly pretends to cough up a fur ball.

Hey, did I mention she also pretends to crap in a litter box? Because she also pretends to crap in a litter box. The SPCA should have no trouble getting a court order to have her spayed now.