Diora Baird’s spread in Maxim’s March 2011 issue clearly leaves the boundaries of reality far behind. Who does yardwork topless, or in a bikini and heels? Real women know that there’s nothing sexy about getting pelted by little bitty rocks kicked up by the weedwhacker, or have little gnats sticking to your lipstick while you’re mowing the lawn. Believe me, I know. My husband was drooling over these pictures, so I tried it out myself to get him to pay attention to me, and all I ended up with was a bunch of welts and little gnat corpses in my mouth. SO unrealistic.

Welt and gnat-free: