Kate Beckinsale remains the planet’s hottest mom. (Popoholic)

Madonna’s hand to be used as a cast for those scary fake hands they use at Halloween. I just made that up, but they should. (Celebslam)

Britney Spears raided your mom’s drawer and stole her glasses from the 80′s. (Bricks and Stones)

Nicole Scherzinger does topless! (Glamzilla)

Self-righteous Gwyneth Paltrow pities us fat, depressed peasants and our eating habits. STFU. (Celebitchy)

Jessica Simpson TwitPics her about to tongue “BF” Ken Paves. I’m assuming this is an April Fool’s joke? (Seriously? OMG!)

Lindsay Lohan drunkTweets about Samantha Ronson physically abusing her. (Holy Moly!)

Tiger Woods’ whore Rachel Uchitel is $10 million dollars richer. (CelebNewsWire)

Dita Von Teese at the MGM Grand’s “Crazy Horse Paris” cabaret. (Moe Jackson)

Haylie Duff’s silicone implants defy the pull of gravity as she picks up dog poop. (Socialite Life)

Kim Kardashian takes her hooters to the beach. (The Blemish)

Heidi Montag White Wolf and Spencer Pratt Running Bear have seriously pissed off the REAL Native Americans. (Litely Salted)

Poor Coco doesn’t know why people think she’s a piece of plastic trash. (cityrag)