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Fashion FAIL: Jessica Alba’s Patterned Pants Disaster

From the neck up, Jessica Alba looks great. From the neck down, it just goes from bad to worse. Her jacket-blouse looks like a suede sweatshirt and both Nepal and the Philippines would consider those pants a desecration of their national flags.

Patterned pants are one thing you will never ever catch me in, no matter how trendy they might be. They can work for some people — namely the rail-thin 5’10″-and-over crowd — but for everyone else, they make you look shorter and squattier and virtually double your thigh circumference. I don’t need any help in that department. The Colonel and Captian D have had that one covered for a while now.

But for the rail-thin 5’10″-and-over crowd: you could always ease into the trend instead of charging headlong into it. Go with a sleeker pattern or texture instead of a full-on graphic print. Then get back to living your beautiful life with your other beautiful friends and laughing the laugh of the truly carefree.