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Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady Are Married

gisele bundchen tom brady married

It’s official — Gisele Bundchen is now Mrs. Tom Brady! According to Us Weekly

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady wed [yesterday] at the St. Monica Catholic Church.

The bride, 28, donned a form-fitting ivory lace strapless gown with a trumpet skirt, scalloped edges, long train and a floor-length veil with attached handmade satin roses and attached satin headband, all by Dolce & Gabbana. Her three dogs also wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars.

The ceremony — which began at dusk — was “very small and intimate” — guests mostly consisted of immediate family.

Does anybody else see what’s going on here? Eugenics, baby! Eugenics! Let’s consider the facts: Tom Brady looks like he was sculpted by Michelangelo himself, and Gisele might as well have been birthed from the sea on scallop shell surrounded by Zephyrs. Now look to your left and right. Is there anyone in your office/school/mother’s basement that is even remotely as attractive as these two? You know goddamn well there isn’t. The world is rife with uggos and fatties and wheezing invalids that should have been weeded out of the gene pool years ago but managed to be kept alive by the miracle of modern medicine. And so now, it begins. The master race. Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. Now we just wait for the Bokanovsky to process replace the immigrant work force and drink our Soma like the good little World State citizens we are.

In a bikini and on a photoshoot at Santa Monica beach:

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