Nobody really likes Gwyneth Paltrow because she’s always running her mouth off about some loony, half-baked pretentious nonsense. Her New Year’s resolution is no exception, and she’s used the latest issue of her doofy newsletter GOOP to ramble about how she needs to learn to meditate because her brain “drives her mental”:
My New Year’s resolution is to learn how to meditate. It’s always sounded like something I should do, but I don’t know how to. My friends who do it say it’s really freakin’ brilliant. They say you can’t know the peace/awareness/contentment until you do it. My brain drives me mental. I am going to start. Tomorrow. I asked three amazing people to share how they achieve this bliss. Their approaches are different but I think they are pretty much landing in the same spot.
I think I get it.
Oh shut up, Gwyneth. You’re such a tool. Why couldn’t you have made a practical, constructive New Year’s resolution? Something humanitarian like, “This year, I resolve to die in a fire.”
Actually, Gwynnie needs meditation. Hours and hours and weeks of meditation, right, everyone?
Gwyneth Paltrow ‘s darling panty pull-down scene in the endearing romantic comedy Shallow Hal (2001), makes that movie one of my favorite romantic comedies, that I have seen.
My absolute favorite romantic comedy ever, is Dogging: A love Story (2009), with an utter stellar performance by Kate Heppell.
Wait: if you’re meditating, you can’t speak, type, or employ an accent, right? I like it….
…what is that whiteish thing on her lips?…
Just some goop.
I bet God even hates this woman.