Perez Hilton celebrated his 34th birthday with a Mad Hatter-themed party at Siren Studios in Hollywood, meaning yet again he’s managed to make it another year without being beaten to death with a tire iron. The party was a real who’s who of D-listers and reality-show-stars-whose-names-nobody-remembers because-they’re-from-six-seasons-ago, and of course no
D-list/reality show simpleton party is complete without a retired porn star on the scene. Unfortunately, no retired porn stars ever showed up. All I could find were these pics of Lucy Liu in a busted wig doing a wicked Lindsay Lohan impression.

Jenna Jameson on the red carpet: