I know one of the burning questions I ponder in the middle of the night is, “What are duck’s vaginas like?” I have that in common with Isabella Rossellini, because she thought it would be a good idea to make a short about it. Psst! This is the part you start backing away very slowly. Digital Spy says,

Isabella Rossellini has said that female ducks have interesting vaginas.

The Blue Velvet actress stars in a series of short films called Seduce Me about the sex lives of various animals.

Rossellini told The Observer: “I don’t know about the most interesting sex life but the female duck has an interesting vagina. It has a lot of dead ends, like a maze. Female ducks are often raped violently by a group of males. She can decide where the sperm goes.

“If she is mated by a male she likes and thinks would be good for her babies, then she would let his sperm go to a channel that leads to her eggs. Otherwise, she can send the sperm to a dead end. Extraordinary.”

One short film features Rossellini, wearing a duck outfit, being sexually attacked by other ducks and describing the experience.

In the clip, Rossellini says: “They all want to mate with me with their corkscrew penises – ouch – forced copulation – get away! But I evolved vaginal complexity to keep control.

“Ouch ouch, one of them is raping me, I don’t care! My vaginal structure is a twisted tunnel – a labyrinth. I can block the phallus! I can discombobulate the phallus – I can trick the phallus.”

The Seduce Me films are a spinoff of the Webby-award winning Green Porno series. Seven of the films will air as part of the Sexual Nature exhibition at London’s Natural History Museum.

Sure, have someone famous make a short film about animal rape and self-important art critics in over-sized sunglasses will nod their heads sagely and make comments about how ground-breaking and avant-garde it is. I make one and show it on for our neighborhood movie night, and people get all huffy with “obscene” this and “disgusting” that. Pff.

Katy Perry at the Purple Carpet Party in Mexico City, because duck rape doesn’t involve big boobs: