NBC is expected to announce today that it has created a “Tonight Show, but During Prime Time” in a desperate bid to prevent host Jay Leno from jumping networks when his contract is up next year. Conan O’Brien is reportedly still slated to take over the real “Tonight Show” in May 2009, while SNL toolfest Jimmy Fallon will be assuming Conan’s old hosting gig. Your regular drinking alone and masturbating during the commercial breaks will remain unchanged. The NY Times says

Mr. Leno’s new show will appear at 10 o’clock each weeknight in a format similar to the “Tonight Show”… [and will] be set in Mr. Leno’s longtime studio in Burbank, Calif. Mr. Leno is expected to retain many of the most popular elements of his “Tonight Show,” including his monologue and “Headlines” and “Jay Walking.”

Mr. O’Brien, currently the host of NBC’s “Late Night,” will move “The Tonight Show” to a new studio on the NBC Universal lot in Universal City.

So it’s basically the same Tonight Show, only an hour earlier, and the same Conan O’Brien show, only an hour earlier. And then an hour-long fluffer before the infomercials known as Jimmy Fallon. No wonder NBC ranks last out of all the networks. A man with an eye for business would have given a two-hour variety show to the Masturbating Bear and a whimsical late-night cooking show to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Gorilla Nurse Using an Old Fashioned Abdominal Exerciser While Listening to Angel in the Morning by Juice Newton. I know ratings gold when I see it!

And now for some Jennifer Lopez at the premiere of “Benjamin Button” last night, because her name also starts with J, only she has boobs (might want to write that one down, NBC!):