43-year-old Jennifer Aniston looks the way she does because she spends nearly a hundred grand a year on lotions made with crystals harvested from Mars (no, really) and narwhal placenta facials (ok, that one I made up). The Daily Mail says:

On skincare alone, [Aniston] is estimated to invest in the region of $2000 monthly.

One neck ointment she uses, by beauty brand Euoko, is allegedly made with crystals from the planet Mars and costs $450. She regularly splurges on Tracie Martyn Spa Red Carpet Facials that cost over $500.

She makes sure she stays young and wrinkle free with Mila Moursi Rejuvinating Serum for $350.

Her private yoga sessions with Mandy Ingber set her back nearly $900 a week… [and her personal] dietician’s consultation fees and home delivery service total around $680 a week.

Jennifer Aniston’s insecurity is legendary, but putting an $8,000-a-month price tag on it really makes her look like a narcissist. I’m pretty sure that’s more than the gross national income of Burundi, Botswana and Kyrgyzstan combined. If she really wanted to make Angelina Jolie jealous, she should just buy one of those aforementioned countries off the Russian black market. Then she’s have a whole tribe of indigent black orphans to Angelina’s one lone black kid.

Getting the star the bought and paid herself for on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last month: