Jesse James is Really Sorry

Now that he’s been publicly outed as a philandering whoremonger, Jesse James is really, very, truly sorry. I’m sure he is. We’ve seen what it was he was having sex with. I’m almost sorry for him myself. He issued the following statement to People Magazine:

“The vast majority of the allegations reported are untrue and unfounded. Beyond that, I will not dignify these private matters with any further public comment.

There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It’s because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.

This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.”

I’ll admit, that’s a pretty heartfelt apology, but “sorry” doesn’t fix having the rug yanked out from under you and the wind knocked out of you and your heart cut from your chest and stuffed down your throat because you’ve just learned everything you’ve believed for the last five years has been a goddamn dirty lie. It’s like that time I found out that Miller Lite was less filling, but did NOT taste great. A girl can only take so much before she completely falls apart. We’re not made of stone, you know!

11 Reader Comments

  1. Jon

    While I don’t excuse what he did, Sandra Bullock must be in an idiot. The guy has been married like 5 times before and has “Pay up Sucka” tattooed on his hands. Did she think he was prince charming?

    What I really don’t get is the tabloid talk that he’s after her money. The dude is already rich. One of his bikes sells for a quarter million dollars alone.

  2. Mike

    I think (hope) this is all just a publicity stunt by his slut. No true evidence as of yet. I think this was orchestrated by his pissed Ex-wife. If you read what this “bombshell” has said, it could be part fiction and part real. But the sexual aspect could be just a fabrication for her own publicity stunt. Innocent until proven guilty.

  3. spatz

    i agree Jon 100% i feel like maybe she thought she could change him or something, but if 2 of your ex wives were porn stars, maybe that’s the type you are into? i don’t know what she was thinking either but amazingly knowing his background this really isn’t a surprise.

  4. Open Mouth Jones

    Marriage background or no, dude cheated on America’s “Sweet Heart” with… THAT. Words fail to describe exactly how skan… aw shit who’m I kiddding. She’s a straight up, old school, diseased, used-up, racist whore-bag. I wouldn’t stick anybody’s dick in that. Even with a ten foot pole. And three gallons of hospital grade sanitizer.

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