Now that he’s been publicly outed as a philandering whoremonger, Jesse James is really, very, truly sorry. I’m sure he is. We’ve seen what it was he was having sex with. I’m almost sorry for him myself. He issued the following statement to People Magazine:
“The vast majority of the allegations reported are untrue and unfounded. Beyond that, I will not dignify these private matters with any further public comment.
There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It’s because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.
This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.”
I’ll admit, that’s a pretty heartfelt apology, but “sorry” doesn’t fix having the rug yanked out from under you and the wind knocked out of you and your heart cut from your chest and stuffed down your throat because you’ve just learned everything you’ve believed for the last five years has been a goddamn dirty lie. It’s like that time I found out that Miller Lite was less filling, but did NOT taste great. A girl can only take so much before she completely falls apart. We’re not made of stone, you know!