Jessica Alba is as sullen and unsmiling as ever, but holy lactating bitch on a stick, Batman!  Look at those ginormous boobs!  They are seriously as big as her head.  I have no idea why she’s so crabby all the time.  If my boobs were that big, I’d be grinning like the Cheshire Cat and wielding my powers for evil, I can tell you that much.  I’d have taken over the world by now, and you’d all be cowering in the shadow of my mighty iron fist.  Or boob, as it were.

Maybe she’s pissy because the price for that cleavage was a squalling infant?  I mean, nobody likes a cryer, especially when it craps itself all day.  I also get the distinct impression that Alba here doesn’t like it when anybody else demands attention.  That’s probably why she’s so often out and about sans baby, with those boobs front and center.  Eyes on the prize, and all that.  She’s an abominable actress and she’ll certainly never be Miss Congeniality, but she’ll manage to hold our attention if she keeps sporting that rack.