Recently dumped Jessica Biel might be finding some solace in her “Totall Recall” co-star Colin Farrell’s pants. And possibly some chlamydia. The Daily Mail says:

Justin Timberlake’s ex has become close to her latest co-star, Irish bad boy Colin Farrell, while shooting the remake of action movie Total Recall in Toronto.

‘Jessica loves Colin’s accent and personality,’ says an on-set mole.

‘She’s completely over Justin, she’s having fun being single and thinks Colin is a blast. They’ve been hanging out between takes and go out after work.’

Gah, who cares? What a complete non-story. Colin would probably fuck a park bench if he were drunk enough and Jessica Biel hasn’t done anything remotely interesting since she took off her top for Gear magazine eleven years ago. Which, incidentally, I just happen to have right here. And suddenly this non-story just became a story! See, it’s all about literary form and journalistic technique. By which I mean “tits.”