Jessica Simpson recreates Virna Lisi’s iconic March 1965 cover in this April’s issue of Esquire magazine. Inside, you’ll find a dazzling array of pictures of her showcasing her true talents. Her wet, nipply, heaving talents. I suppose “gratuitous near-nudity in men’s magazines” is the next logical step in her career, given the less-than-successful fare of her last two albums. And her last two movies. Oh, and that variety show. Not to mention the shoe line and swim wear line and those god-awful cheap hair extensions. She should streamline her talents into something like “Jessica Simpson Jack-Off Hour,” a solid sixty minutes of Jess doing jumping jacks on a trampoline, or maybe “Messy Jessy,” in which she soaps up after a spirited romp in a mud puddle with other naked girls. Seems like a no-brainer. And if “no-brainer” isn’t a prerequisite for all things Jessica Simpson, I don’t know what is.
Respect her craft:
She looks sexy and cute.
Really, as the pictures perkily display, she only has two things going for her.
Papa Simpson’s off-camera, pouring the water.
It’ll only grown back thicker, Jessica.
she kind of looks like Virna Lisi’s retarded cousin wanting to play dress up too!
One of your more vomitocious headlines, Abby.
Well done. I’m still cringing.
She is said to have labia the size of hot dog buns.
I am still confounded that she is considered attractive.
I’d hit it.
I always thought she looked kind of manly. What is she up to any way these days? No movies or albums?
just a note though. Her shoe line is wildly successful and some of the shoes are really quite nice.
oh and she is working on a country album… so maybe thats what she’s doing. or trying to drum up some publicity for her sister? … maybe?
Captain – it looks like her whole body has grown back thicker.
She certainly tucks it well, I’ll giver her that much.
It’s really her father in drag….
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