Jesus Luz got his precious mer-man face doused with Brazilian beer while working the turntables in Rio Sunday night. According to Page Six

Madonna’s boy toy was deejaying at a party when a guest came up and threw beer in his face, saying, “Get out of here, I don’t wanna see your face here anymore!” Luz [then] “went to a corner and started to cry.”

He only finished the gig when four bodyguards were assigned to flank him.

This is boring and faggy and nobody cares, but I had to post it for the title alone. A gem like that doesn’t just fall into your lap like that, you know. All those years of Catholic school must have been leading up to this one shining moment in my life. Passing it up would almost be like spitting in the face of God.