Of course his camp is claiming it’s all bullshit, but John Travolta found himself on the business end of a lawsuit today after a male masseur he’d hired claimed the actor attempted to have sex with him during a session. No, the male masseur was not Tom Cruise in a pair of kitten heeels and a Rita Hayworth wig, but still a good guess anyway. TMZ says:

According to the lawsuit, Travolta saw the masseur’s ad online, and scheduled an appointment for $200 an hour. The masseur did not know it was Travolta when the appointment was booked, but followed instructions and met up with a black Lexus SUV, which Travolta was driving.

Travolta and the masseur, who says he saw Trojan condoms in the center console, drove to the Beverly Hills Hotel and went to Travolta’s bungalow.

Travolta stripped naked, appearing semi-erect. The masseur says he told Travolta to lay down on the table and the first hour went without incident. Then, according to legal docs, Travolta began rubbing the masseur’s leg, touched his scrotum and the shaft of his penis.

The masseur claims he told Travolta he did not have sex with his clients, but Travolta was undeterred, offering to do a “reverse massage,” adding, “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!!!”

The suit goes on to allege Travolta then masturbated and told the masseur he got to where he was “due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ days,” adding “Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.”

The masseur — who is only listed as John Doe — claims Travolta called him a loser, but then doubled the hourly rate and sent him on his way.

The suit seeks $2 million plus punitive damages.

If I had a nickel for every time I’d said, “Come on, dude, I’ll jerk you off” in order to keep some guy from leaving, I’d totally be a thousandaire by now. But on to more pressing things — things like how John Travolta’s wiener could be so completely unhampered by repeated rejections. I don’t see how you could be told no over and over again and still manage to maintain an erection. But then my last name’s not Roethlisberger or Polanski.