You were supposed to have a bright and shiny Lindsay Lohan post waiting on you
Saturday yesterday this morning, but if you’ve ever been a white person in Atlanta during Freaknik, you’ll know why I was understandably indisposed for the last two days (particularly because it wasn’t actually Freaknik and I wasn’t even in Atlanta, but an airport in Toledo with remarkably unfriendly TSA agents who freak out when you spill purple drank in the x-ray machine or shout “fight the power” over the 1MC during final boarding call). I’d apologize, but I honestly thought Lindsay would be dead by Monday morning. If anyone should apologize here, it’s her. I’m tired of her always making me look bad.
And about apologizing and looking bad — comedian Kat Williams slapped a Target cashier last night before making his escape on one of the store’s Hoveround-style motorized carts. Then it was off to the Grand Canyon to profess that he was no longer limited by his lack of mobility. Now he’s free to see the world!