Kris Humphries’ ex-girlfriend is going around telling anybody who’ll listen that Kris couldn’t wait to be rid of Kim Kardashian and that their whole marriage was a ratings ploy orchestrated by Kris Jenner. It should come as no surprise, then, to learn that the whole sex tape thing was mommy’s idea, too. TMZ says:

Kris Humphries trashed Kim Kardashian and her family in conversations and text messages to his former girlfriend, Myla Sinanaj … telling her Kris Jenner not only directed Kim to shoot her sex tape, but to re-shoot because Kris J didn’t think the first one was pretty enough.

I would die a thousand tiny deaths if I found out my mother had seen footage of me getting plowed by some dude on camera, much less let her critique my performance and give me BJ pointers. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with these people. I almost feel sorry for Kim. Her Playboy shoot was also mommy’s idea, you know. I swear, all Kris Jenner is missing is the wide-brimmed fedora and the cane. That woman is a pimp through and through.

Pimping Kim out to Zoo magazine earlier this year: