I didn’t report on this yesterday because there were several conflicting reports as to her actual whereabouts, but it seems that drunken coke whore Lindsay Lohan is now back in rehab. For a third time. The third time this year. And three is a magic number. According to ET Online

Lindsay Lohan has entered the Cirque Lodge drug and alcohol rehab in Sundance, Utah. The 21-year-old star arrived [last] weekend to begin the intense rehabilitation program that is expected to last a minimum of 30 days. For a price tag of $30,000 and up, the rehab offers privacy, spectacular views of mountain ranges and waterfalls; Jacuzzi tubs and private fireplaces, horseback riding therapy, massage therapy, hydro therapy and even a hair salon with manicures!

But that’s not all. The Lodge even owns a helicopter called “Rainbow” and arranges “heli-hiking” tours, and features gourmet meals prepared by culinary school graduates. There’s also a sound stage that was once the home of the “Donny and Marie” show, which now houses the most effective challenge ropes course in the world.

That’s just the kind of “tough love” dose of reality that Lindsay needs. Nothing quells your penchant for Caligulan excess quite like having your every capricious whim indulged by a staff of ass-kissing gourmets on horseback. Tack on a bar and a dance club and a couple of glory holes cut into the bathroom stalls and I think Lindsay just might have found her very own heaven on Earth.

More of Lindsay’s spread in next month’s issue of “Elle” magazine after the jump