Megan Fox was reportedly in talks with Lifetime for the role of Elizabeth Taylor in their new movie “Liz and Dick,” but it was revealed today that Lindsay Lohan somehow “landed” the part after all (you can’t see it, but right now I’m holding my fist to the side of my face and making that tongue-in-cheek sign for blowjob). Only there’s a catch — she can’t fuck up and get arrested again, or she’s off the movie, no questions asked. The Daily Mail says:

If she stays on the right side of the court and obeys the judge’s orders relating to her 2007 conviction for driving under the influence (DUI), she will be allowed to take on the part of Elizabeth in the movie.

The project – which is set to be produced by Larry Thompson – has been in development since shortly after the death of the Cleopatra star in March 2011, when she passed award from congestive heart failure at the age of 79.

Casting that leathery sausage-lipped boozebag as one of the most beautiful people to have ever lived borders on outright blasphemy. It makes about as much sense as casting Carrot Top for the title role of Malcom X.

Shopping in some seriously high-waisted pants: