Lindsay Lohan was hospitalized today after she slammed her Porsche into the back of a Mack truck on the Pacific Coast Highway. Before you get your hopes up, though, she was NOT decapitated at the moment of impact and the car never burst into flames. With time, you’ll be able to move on. TMZ says:
Lindsay Lohan was driving her black Porsche on the Pacific Coast Highway in Santa Monica when it slammed into the back of an 18-wheeler around noon. The Porsche is totaled. The passenger window was shattered and the bumper was fully off her car.
Law enforcement sources tell us Lindsay and the truck driver were not under the influence of alcohol. Lindsay was driving the car, and we’re told she’s saying that the accident wasn’t her fault, claiming the 18-wheeler cut her off.
The Porsche wasn’t even Lindsay’s … IT WAS A RENTAL!!!
Of course it wasn’t her fault. It’s never her fault. The stupid 18-wheeler cut her off. What’s she supposed to do? You know how clunky and unwieldy Porsches are. Driving one of those is like trying to manuever a barge through a river of cake batter. There’s no way she could have possibly avoided it. Still, I think my favorite part of the whole story is TMZ saying (with THREE exclamation points!!!) “The Porsche wasn’t even Lindsay’s … IT WAS A RENTAL!!!” Um, at NO point in the story did it ever cross my mind that the Porsche might actually be hers. Not once. Bitch is broke. My money was on her having blown a salesman at the Santa Monica Porsche dealership so he’d let her borrow one of the loaners during his supervisor’s lunch break. I also considered that she might have highjacked it. It being a rental was a pretty distant third.
She thinks if she’s seen driving around in a $125,000 car that means
a) she can afford it or
b) the car company has given it to her to drive for free, like they would do for someone like Tom Hanks.
Nice try.
I’m telling you–countdown to jail time!