Dina Lohan is reportedly writing a memoir in which she reveals all about daughter Lindsay’s secrets and scandals and addictions, because why the hell else would you want to read it? Every good mother knows you have to sacrifice the cash cow once its metaphorical legs are broken. In a draft of a prologue for the memoir obtained by TMZ, Dina writes:

“I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay’s way of daily living–and it tore me up inside.”

“How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.”

Yes, what could possibly go wrong? I think your average teenager abandoned on the doorstep of the new Babylon with seven different lines of credit and an entourage of ass-kissers would choose a lifestyle of predictability and rote responsibility. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever come across a story where a child actor left to his own devices didn’t turn out to be a resounding success later in life. It’s pretty obvious Dina did everything she could.