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Madonna Buys a Fake Penis


Never one to shy away from a good sinew or vein, Madonna bought herself a brand-spankin’ new penis over the weekend. And it’s purple! The Daily Mail reports

Madonna was spotted leaving London’s Claridge’s Hotel toting a see-through plastic bag which revealed her latest purchase – a strap-on sex toy. Apparently it’s a Purple Penetrator, so perhaps Madonna really does wear the trousers in her relationship. Husband Guy Ritchie, who trailed behind looking rather sheepish, had a carry case of his own, but had the good grace to keep its contents under wraps.

Any man who slinks along behind his dildo-wielding wife like some kind of forlorn sex mule could only be toting one thing in his bag — gerbils. And probably some coke. Maybe a couple of genital prods. I guess that’s more like three things, really. But when declaring for customs, I find it’s better just to lump them all together as “commercial merchandise and gifts” and wear a fake moustache and monacle. And I also find it’s better to keep your pants on until the customs guy tells you to take them off and not wear your “Al-Qaeda is Just Al-Right With Me” t-shirt under your sweater vest. Really, you should just trust me on these things.

One more of the Purple Penetrator in Madonna’s bag after the jump