It’s official — Mariah Carey has been named as Jennifer Lopez’ replacement for the twelfth season of American Idol. Mariah said in a statement (via Us Magazine):

“As a singer, songwriter and producer, it’s going to be fun and rewarding to help find new talent and give back with American Idol.

I’m currently in the studio working on my new album and its first single, ‘Triumphant,’ which will be out early next month. I can’t wait to channel my creative energy as a part of this show which is a massive global phenomenon.”

I tried to think about something I care about less, like paying taxes or the plight of the Sudanese people, but it turns out there isn’t anything I care about less than who’s replacing Jennifer fucking Lopez on American Idol. I’d rather harvest my own planter warts with a set of car keys than watch another episode of that crap.

At the BET Awards earlier this month: