In Matthew McConaughey’s mother’s new autobiography “I Amaze Myself,” Mama McConaughey talks about everything from Matthew’s conception to proudly displaying her dead husband’s schlong after he died during intercourse. At least Matthew McConaughey gets it honest. Us Weekly says
“[My husband] and I often said goodbye by making love,” Kay, 77, says. “But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. But it was just the best way to go!”
And when her man couldn’t be revived, she made sure he was taken from the house in the buff. “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey — and his gift,” she says.
And I’m sure the EMT’s thanked her profusely for her gift. Old man balls are one of those gifts that keep on giving. Primarily by haunting your memories and showing up in nightmares all shriveled and droopy and covered in wiry gray hairs, like two avocados suspended in the feet of old pantyhose hanging over a shower rod.
Anyway, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my parents at some point had relations. It’s an unfortunate truth that everybody has to face with eventually. But it’s one of those things that should be vague and hazy and devoid of specific details, like that accounting class I took my freshman year. At no point should you be able to give accurate descriptions of your father’s genitals or his penchant for back door/grundle action. That’s the kind of stuff that makes you grow up to be a serial killer or some loon who plays bongos in the buff. See Matthew McConaughey for details.