Sad news, crap fans — Miley Cyrus isn’t planning on bringing her Gypsy Heart Tour to the United States. The good news? She’s still tweeting plenty of pedo-riffic pictures on Twitter (see above). I guess when the Lord closes a door, some way he opens a window. The Examiner says:

The former “Hannah Montana” star says she’s not feeling the love from the USA at the moment, and has decided to take her show down under.

Miley will head to Australia to kick off her 2011 tour [and] stop in South America to perform for her fans.

“I just think right now America has gotten to a place where I don’t know if they want me to tour or not,” admitted Miley. “Right now I just want to go to the places where I am getting the most love and Australia and South America have done that for me.”

The reason she’s not “feelin’ the love” in America is because no mothers in America like the real Miley Cyrus. They liked the character she played on TV, Hannah Montana. Moms liked the half-hour it bought them to park their irritating ankle-biters in front of the television and let the little bastards bask in the warm embrace of all that is blanched and contrived and Disney-manufactured while they downed half a bottle of chardonnay and sexted their best friend’s husband from the back bedroom. Miley’s insistence on bucking the Hannah Montana character was in effect like cutting off her nose to spite her face. And believe me, those giant mole teeth were already spiting her face plenty. She didn’t need any more help in that department.

At the 2011 Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures