The MTV Movie Awards were last night, and despite my best intentions (i.e., a fifth of whiskey and most of a blunt), I still couldn’t bring myself to watch more than five minutes of that shit. They were the longest five minutes of my life. By the third time Russell Brand shouted “Twilight! Hunger Games!” during his monologue, I was fucking DONE. Fortunately, MTV made sure to document the evening in excruciating detail for those of us with low crap tolerance. MTV says:
“The Hunger Games” collected four [MTV Movie Awards]… including Best Male Performance, Best Female Performance, Best Fight and Best On-Screen Transformation. Kristen Stewart making out with herself as she accepted Best Kiss quickly became a breakout image from the telecast moments after it happened.
It was the fourth time a “Twilight” movie took home that category, as well as the fourth consecutive time “Twilight” earned the top prize: Movie of the Year.
At this point, I’ve moved past disgust and on to straight pity. “Twilight” and Justin Bieber will define their entire generation. Even Hanson’s embarrassed for them.
The only thing right about the MTV Movie Awards, Jenna Dewan (with husband Channing Tatum):