I don’t know why the hell Nicole Richie would have been invited to the Oscars, given that “The Simple Life” was her greatest acting accolade to date, but you can guaran-damn-tee she won’t be invited back after showing up in this hot mess of a Reem Acra dress. Just think of how many early seventies sofas had to be massacred to make that frock. And then how many Bedazzlers had to give their beaded lives to try to make the dress not look like it was scalped from the couch in your meemaw’s basement. It’s just a colossal waste of upholstery and appliqué any way you cut it.

The rest of the worst-dressed after the jump.

And now, from Marchesa’s cauliflower-ear collection — Vera Farmiga:

Miley Cyrus’ Jenny Packham dress isn’t the problem; it’s her sudden case of hunchback-itis. Plus I hate her:

Far be it from me to knock the Godfather of Fashion, so I’ll just assume it’s Sarah Jessica Parker’s fault this Chanel Haute Couture looks so hideous and shapeless:

I like boobs. I like cinnamon rolls. I like Charlize Theron. However, I do not like the combination of all three in this Dior:

Amanda Seyfried’s Armani Prive dress is boring and uninspired. Much like Amanda Seyfried. From a distance, it almost looks like bubble wrap.

Diane Kruger’s Chanel sheath is so structurally incongruent and unflattering. It looks like somebody stuffed some old bedsheets in a leaf shredder and added some ruching and feathers as a last-ditch Hail Mary to save the dress:

Rachel McAdams’ Elie Saab dress proves Scarlett O’Hara isn’t the only girl who can make a dress out of curtains. In this case, out of late eighties beach house curtains:

Givenchy obviously drew inspiration for Zoe Saldana’s dress from those paper flowers you see at hat dances and cock fights or whatever it is Mexicans do when they aren’t crossing the border illegally:

Carey Mulligan’s Prada dress is very cutting edge. Because there’s tiny scissors on it. FAIL:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online