I wish I could tell you that minutes after Paris Hilton finished this photo shoot, that there was an (un)fortunate landslide that smothered her gangly body in a heap of earth, but I can’t. I know, I’m just as bummed out about it as you. The only silver lining is that you can see her boobs in a couple of the pictures. What? You expect me to have standards? I do celebrity blogging, for Pete’s sake.