If you missed the season premiere of “American Idol” this week, you missed the beginnings of a potential catfight between guest judge Jewel and veteran judge Paula Abdul. The Post-Chronicle reports:
If [Jewel and Paula] spoke to each other it was brief. An icy wall seemed to separate them. Reports are that the two didn’t get along and even exchanged some words. At one point we’re told Abdul even removed her mike and slammed it down because she was upset with Jewel. It never made it to the taped version shown last night… At the end, Paula completely ignores Jewel on the way out and Jewel’s face says it all. It was brutally obvious that Paula was not happy with Jewel presence.
That’s because Paula is older, uglier, and far more incoherent than Jewel. There is a basic scientific principle dictating the manner in which females interact with one another, and much like an elk with the largest set of antlers, the most beautiful female is always perceived as a threat. And therefore the other females hate her and say catty things behind her back and call her a slut. Yeah, that’s right. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re saying about me when I leave the room. Things like “She smells like booze” and “No, actually she smells like cum” and “High-five, girl-friend!” Well, I don’t care. Some people say it’s not easy being beautiful, but they’re wrong. I get to call other girls fat and have sex with their boyfriends and get loads of free stuff like cars and crotchless underpants. It’s pretty awesome. And all it takes to make me feel good on the inside is a gram of cocaine every few days. All you bitches are just jealous.