Britney Spears looks like a forty-something day shift stripper who’s been up for the last 36 hours straight doing meth in a Days Inn with two truckers she met at a rest stop in Bristol. (Hollywood Rag)

If Miley Cyrus’ shorts were any higher on her body, they’d be under her chin. (Moe Jackson)

Disco queen Donna Summer died today at the age of 63. Now I have a perfectly good reason for wearing sequined satin hot pants all day. (Celebitchy)

GTK — Miley Cyrus doesn’t swallow. (Celeb Slam)

Nicole Scherzinger had someone make her a dress out of a gate and let a nearsighted tranny do her makeup. (The Blemish)

Pictures of Seinfeld’s J. Peterman feeling up 80′s supermodel Christie Brinkley. Old people have urges too, I guess. (Hollywood Tuna)

Matt Damon might as well be part Orc with that shaved head. He looks awful bald. (Right Celebrity)

How to be awkward at a bar! Lucky for me, I don’t need any help in that department. (College Candy)

The Ladies of the IFBB NY Pro Bikini contest. Did you hear that? They’re pros! (Busted Coverage)

Your daily dose of Ryan Gosling, because he’s also pretty on the inside. (Evil Beet)

Was there ever a famous painting NOT improved by cats? (Ned Hardy)

Print this out and keep it in your wallet just in case you’re the first human ever to make alien contact. You’ll be glad you did. You don’t wanna be known as “that guy who fucked it up for Earth.” (Caveman Circus)