Sacha Baron Cohen explains why he passed on Les Miserable and Django Unchained. (Huffington Post)

Julianne Hough does some of her most impressive bearding in a bikini St. Barts. (Moe Jackson)

Kim Kardashian has hired Gwyneth Paltrow’s personal trainer, but she still doesn’t have any business in spandex. (INF Daily)

Bizarre rights of passages from around the world that make circumcision seem like a day at the fair. (Mandatory)

Leann Rimes has finally put on a little weight since getting out of rehab and off Adderall. (Evil Beet)

JWoww tries to prove that the soggy ass in that picture from New Year’s Eve is not hers with a video of herself in panties and high heels sticking out her rear end at a 45-degree angle. (Celeb Slam)

Karma finally sticks it to Naomi Campbell — she’s attacked by thieves in Paris. (Celebitchy)

Nick Stahl caught masturbating in a porn shop, because what the hell else is Nick Stahl going to do on a Wednesday. (The Blemish)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back like an unrepentant cancer. (popbytes)

The gift of rage letters to your asshole ex, because it’s a gift that keeps on giving. (Jezebel)

Death by cute! (Gawker)

Be ye warned — somebody in your office might be documenting every time you fart so they can submit it to human resources and get you fired. Looks like Taco Bell for lunch is out. (Hollywood Rag)

Sofia Vergara’s boobs cannot be contained by that dress, which might explain why they fell out later in the evening. (COED Magazine)