Melissa Satta may have the world’s most perfect bikini body. (Moe Jackson)

Find out if Angelina Jolie’s gonna direct the film adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Gray!” (Celebitchy)

Jennifer Love Hewitt sans makeup. It’s just as awful as you’d think it’d be. (Celeb Slam)

So the donkey semen chugging segment of Fear Factor aired. I have never felt more scathing contempt for two people in all my life. Our only hope is that donkey semen and donkey urine contain boatloads of neurotoxins. (The Blemish)

Boo — Sofia Vergara is back with her stupid boyfriend. (Hollywood Rag)

Britney Spears has the natural grace of a swan. A swan tethered to a cement block, fed pure grain alcohol and chased around with an airhorn. (Evil Beet)

Matthew McConaughey’s children will no longer be bastards after this weekend. (Bitten & Bound)

The Top Ten Naked Picnics, because that shit only works in the movies. Ants to the taint = NO. (Mr. Skin)

Miley Cyrus in a cropped muscle shirt with her bra hanging out. It was nice of A.C. Slater to let her borrow it. (Amy Grindhouse)

Selena Gomez stars in a Funny or Die Fifty Shades of Blue video, which may or may not be funny, because I didn’t watch it. (Daily Stab)

It’s funny to watch Chris Rock get dissed over and over again. (Caveman Circus)

The unspeakable things Brooke Burke can do with her legs will give you plenty to think about over the weekend. (Busted Coverage)