Meet the skanky 16-year old prostitute at the center of the French’s soccer team sex scandal. (The Dirty)

Hayden Panettiere chops off ALL her hair into the “militant lesbian” ‘do so popular with fat chicks. (UseMyComputer)

Aw, Vanessa Hudgens is growing up — she finally has a little cleavage, bless her heart. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Didn’t think Tiger Woods could get any douchier? Try “partying backstage with Nickelback” on for size. (Celebrity Odor)

To eat, or not to eat? That is Kevin Jonas’ question to the booger on his finger. (CelebJihad)

Some NFL draft named Maurkice Pouncey caught on video mouth-kissing his twin brother. Move over, Angelina — there’s a new kid in town! (Busted Coverage)

Paulina Porizkova lambasts Heidi Montag and Madonna. I think I’m in love. (CelebNewsWire)

I can totally see up Amanda Seyfried’s Catholic school girl skirt. Mostly because she’s laying on her stomach with her legs spread. (Glamcrunch)

David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife is going to jail! (TMZ)

Axl Rose borrows Charlie Sheen’s “red-headed Hulk Hogan fu manchu” disguise. (Hollywood Rag)

Doutzen Kroes might be the world’s most perfect woman. Right after me, of course, but that really goes without saying. (Moe Jackson)

Salma Hayek and Miranda Kerr dress sexy so you’ll give a shit about global warming. (Socialite Life)

Malcolm McLaren’s funeral procession was GD amazing. (Holy Moly!)

Jon Gosselin is selling his BMW for ten grand less than he paid for it. A real fuckin financial wizard, that guy. (Litely Salted)

Renee Zellweger finally becomes a real boy: the new supershort haircut. (The Blemish)