Aishwarya Rai needs to hit the treadmill instead of the red carpet. Or get a prescription for Adderall like the rest of Hollywood’s new mommies. (Moe Jackson)

Robert Pattinson refused to go full frontal in “Cosmoplis.” If only he’d had the balls to refuse a role in a movie called “Cosmopolis.” (The Blemish)

Britney Spears’ X Factor rider includes everything you’d think — Snickers, Co’ Cola, dresses with a minimum of 85% spandex fabric content. (Celebitchy)

I’m a sucker for Eastern Bloc women — meet Nadia Vieria and her lovely communist underpants. (G Celeb)

Charlize Theron reveals her baby daddy! (The Stir)

Sometimes Hilary Rhoda looks like a man, and sometimes she looks like the most beautiful woman on the planet. She’s your classic Seinfeld two-face. (Hollywood Rag)

Reaction gifs are always funny, especially if there’s crying involved. (Caveman Circus)

So there were a bunch of D-list reality show stars whose names aren’t important enough for me to remember at the Maxim Hot 100 party. Whee. (COED Magazine)

Kim Kardashian and her sad attempts to dress like a lady. A lady of the night, maybe. Even super-expensive designer clothes look cheap on her. (INF Daily)

Because I hate you with a fiery passion: Snooki and JWoww, the extended trailer. (Evil Beet)

Interestingly, this monstrosity of a dress looks equally hideous on Kelly Ripa, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Kate Reardon. Ugly like that is universal! (Bitten & Bound)

Just a random collection of awesome things, because I’m a big subscriber to chaos theory. Also I’m high. (Ned Hardy)

Attention ladies — if you want to have sex with a man tonight, this is how you do it. Act like a fucking retard and don’t wear underpants. I just saved you a solid three hours of witty repartee and the inconvenience of having to remove your undergarments in the backseat of a Honda Civic. (Jezebel)