Ashley wants the Olsen Twins to get breast implants.  I have to say I question her logic, because when I see a matched pair of creepazoid midgets, the first thing I think is usually not, “We need more boobs here.” (AB)

Katie Holmes looks like ass on fire. (IDLYITW)

Michael Jackson‘s kids wear extra-masky masks for Halloween.  Jacko, of course, requires no falsified horror and is simply dressed as himself. (ASL)

Gwyneth Paltrow‘s GOOP newsletter is — shockingly! — insufferable. (Mollygood)

Linda Hogan is still leathery and orange with stringy neon hair, and she’s still dating an orange kid with stringy neon hair.  They’re like Oompa Loompas, only with less singing and more pedophilia. (WIMB)

Elle MacPherson‘s ass may be 44 years old, but it’ll still rock your socks off. (WWTDD)

One of the Coreys is getting married, and the blushing bride is just as lovely as you might imagine. (Dlisted)

Paris Hilton believes she is the picture of health. (ICYDK)

The overwhelming power of Cloris Leachman‘s old lady boobs almost busted the gay right outta Lance Bass. (TheSuperficial)

Halloween is tomorrow, so to help get your creep on: a retrospective on John Carpenter. (Pajiba)