This video Terry Richardson shot of Kate Upton just makes me feel sorry for her. And a little sick to my stomach. Of course that could just be the four percocet I washed down with vodka. I guess it remains to be seen. (Hollywood PQ)

Victoria Justice’s face photoshopped into a creepy mask for SELF magazine. (G Celeb)

It’s a Jessica Lowndes bikini beach party, and you’re invited. (The Grumpiest)

Rielle Hunter announces on Good Morning America that she and John Edwards are “no longer a couple.” You don’t say. (Celebitchy)

Jessica Alba’s legs were replaced with cadaver limbs! (Moe Jackson)

John Hamm and his girlfriend were robbed. Not surprising, given that robberies occur every fifty-four seconds in the United States. That’s every three-point-seven seconds in Detroit. (The Blemish)

Jennifer Lopez takes all three of her kids to the beach. (Celeb Slam)

Jessica Simpson finally realized nobody gives a shit about her baby and starts posting gratis pics of Maxwell Drew pics on Twitter. (Seriously? OMG)

Salma Hayek knows how to work a dress. (popoholic)

50 Cent hospitalized after being hit by a Mack truck. And no, “Mack Truq” isn’t the name of a rival rapper affiliated with the Latin Kings. (Bitten & Bound)

BTW, Paris Hilton is a DJ now because she had sex with a DJ. By that logic, she’s also a professional basketball player, a porn mogul, a shipping heir, an oil heir, and a pig farmer from Arkansas. The world is her fuckin’ oyster. (Evil Beet)

Kelly Clarkson hits up the Cheesecake Factory, and I didn’t even make a single fat joke. (INF Daily)

Because if there’s one reason to watch the Olympics, it’s for all the hot foreign ass. (COED Magazine)

Mel B pokes fun at the Spice Girls, crowd winces accordingly. (Hollywood Rag)

Jerry Sandusky pardoned by Muslim cleric! (Celeb Jihad)