Surprise, surprise — John Edwards dodges jail time. Another triumph for the American judicial system! (Bitten & Bound)

Kelly Clarkson drops 30 pounds, and now you can know the secret to her success. Not hijacking Hostess trucks is always a good start. (Hollywood Backwash)

Because you sickos can’t get enough of underage girls in bikinis, even if they ARE Kardashians. (Celeb Jihad)

Kate Moss forgets to zip up after making tinkle. Or possibly after getting nailed in the nightclub bathroom. Six of one. (Celeb Slam)

Justin Bieber doesn’t want girls touching his face. And that goes double for his wiener. (The Blemish)

Finally, a pet that can swear back at you! (Seriously? OMG)

Kathie Lee Gifford asks Martin Short how is wife is doing on the Today show this morning, which is unfortunate because his wife is dead. Awkward! (Celebitchy)

Charlize Theron looks absolutely stunning on the red carpet at the London premiere of “Prometheus.” (Moe Jackson)

Another attention-starved girl uses the power of internet to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Have at it. (Caveman Circus)

What’s gayer than One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson? One Directions’ Louis Tomlinson being roused by a naked drunk man. (Holy Moly!)

Break out the prosthetic belly — Beyonce is fake-pregnant again! (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Justin Timberlake’s first girlfriend sold his love letters to the media. (Hollywood Rag)

Well, who among us hasn’t masturbated on a major thoroughfare in Florida? It’s practically a Spring Break rite of passage! (The Frisky)