Carrie Underwood’s jeans are ridiculously tight, not that you’d want them any other way. (Hollywood Rag)

Watch out — bears falling out of the sky! See, this is exactly why I don’t carry a honey pot with me anywhere. (COED Magazine)

I WAS this kid in elementary school. Explains so much, doesn’t it? (Caveman Circus)

American’s former hottest soccer player Margo McCauley is now an Axe girl. Way to stick it to the whole “girl power” thing, Margo. (Busted Coverage)

Holly Henderson doesn’t suffer from embarrassing feminine itch. Mostly because she’s totally comfortable pawing at her puss like it was full of stinging nettles and fire ants. (Moe Jackson)

The seven jerks you meet in every gym explained, along with the proper way to avoid them. (CRACKED)

Oh, look — toddler Joey Lawrence on Jay Leno, back when people still though Jay Leno was funny. (Seriously? OMG)

Lifetime figures out how to promote Jennifer Love Hewitt! Namely, strap her in a bandage dress that shows her tits and stick her between two fat chicks. Voila! (The Blemish)

And speaking of Jennifer Love Hewitt, see if you can guess who just got dumped on her ass… again? (Celeb Slam)

Zooey Deschanel is the new dandruff-free scalp for Pantene hair products. (Jezebel)

Scarlett Johansson wants you to know all about the slings and arrows she suffers on account of her good looks and fame. (Evil Beet)

LeAnn Rimes is giving Kim Kardashian a real run for the money in the shameless attention-whoring department. (popoholic)

The winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race looks suspiciously like Christina Aguilera, minus forty pounds and with only half as much makeup. (popbytes)