Sorry for the lack of updates today, guys. If my mom asks, I spent the day keeping a mile of frontage road trash-free as part of the local “Adopt a Highway” program, not trying to get in 14 hours of community service before midnight tonight so I don’t violate the terms of my probation.

And speaking of violating and probation, tune in tomorrow for a special Saturday Sunday post detailing the latest shocking developments in Lindsay Lohan’s assault scandal and/or to possibly mourn her untimely death from overdose/car crash/alcohol poisoning/asphyxiation in a sex game gone wrong. It’s really a coin toss anymore.

Eva Longoria in lingerie on the cover of GQ to keep your waggles warm. (Hollywood Rag)

The highest paid musicians of 2012 include Dr. Dre and Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters. (Huffington Post)

Kate Middleton’s uterus is making Camilla Parker Bowles an alcoholic. (Jezebel)

Danielle Fishel playing Lindsay Lohan playing Elizabeth Taylor on The Soup. It’s spot-on. (Gawker)

A whole mess of Ke$ha. Operative word being “mess.” That girl is just gross. (City Rag)

Taylor Swift adds fuel to the breast-augmentation fire with a suspicious display of cleavage in Sydney. (Celebitchy)

Miley Cyrus dressed like a Star Trek extra to show off her new dog. (Hollywood PQ)

Elyse Taylor’s 2012 Victoria’s Secret catalog pictures, just because. (G Celeb)

Miley Cyrus might be the new half-man on Two and a Half Men, because Angus T. Jones effectively wrote himself out of the next season. (Evil Beet)

Celebrate all that is good and right with the world with 34 timeless beauties. (Caveman Circus)

Sneak a peek at Olivia Munn’s cleavage. Go ahead, she wants you to. (popoholic)