Jesse James says he “wanted” to get caught. (Hollywood Rag)

If “It’s a Wonderful Life” had been directed by the guy who did “Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo”: the new Shrek installation sucks Donkey balls. (Pajiba)

I’d like to be an elf in Stacey Kiebler’s bikini tree. (CelebSlam)

Kate Beckinsale is like a big sumptuous slice of black forest cake. (UseMyComputer)

Venus Williams hits the courts in some sort of peignoir. (The Blemish)

Miss International Palm Beach looks like a damn tranny. (The Dirty)

Michelle Trachtenberg is see-through! And not just her creepily pale skin. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Cheryl Cole and company demonstrate the proper hand position when jerking your man off. (Moe Jackson)

Kate Moss finds herself smack dab in the middle of a shitstorm… literally. (Holy Moly!)

Bribes — they’re Fergalicious! (CelebNewsWire)

Jennifer Aniston strips down to a bikini. (CelebJihad)

Dolly Parton admits she lost a drag queen Dolly Parton lookalike contest. (Celebitchy)

Avril Lavigne flashes her tits — and they aren’t half-bad. (Glamcrunch)

Meet the new cast of the third season of Jersey Shore! (Caveman Circus)

A tasteful homage to the feminine wonder that is Sofia Vergara. (Celebrity Odor)

Petra Oostvogels goes topless (and practically consonant-less) in the June issue of Che. (Busted Coverage)

Courtney Love wanted to make Christina Aguilera’s “Boil” “Beautiful” all her own. (Allie is Wired)